Christina (1984)

US Blu-ray edition

Intervision Picture Corp. (alias Severin)

Text below written 2017-10-17


Aaaah, the Lovely Jewel Shepard ...
one of the legendary scream queens of the 1980's and also a talented writer.
I guess i must've seen her in films like the pretty funny horror-comedy The Return of the Living Dead or in the
high-school comedy Zapped, but i first took notion about her when i found her homepage in the 1990's where
she wrote in a smart and funny way about her career in B-movies. Then i bought and read her books, the 1992
"Invasion of the B girls" where she interviewed scream queens from then and now, including Haji, Linnea
Quigley and Monique Gabrielle, and the Super Great 1996 - "If i'm so Famous, How Come Nobody's Ever Heard
of me ?
" where she writes in a slightly ironic but very funny way about her career in the entertainment business.

So, this Euro Sex-adventure Christina from 1984 is really the first film i have seen with Jewel, and she's in it all the
time, luckily as most of the other actors (with the possible exception of the former Miss Bahamas) suck badly.
Jewel Shepard ain't too proud of this film according to her book, and she seems to've hated all the nude scenes,
but this B- or even C-version of an Emanuelle movie is enjoyable to watch today because of it's campy badness
and due to the great beauty of Jewel Shepard. She's so lovely it hurts your eyes and thereby the nudeness isn't
sleazy. The sex scenes with all the ugly men sucks but the lesbian romp with her female terrorist guards in the film,
played by a Helen Devon and by ex Miss Bahamas Josephine Jaqueline Jones were actually HOT and it's a pity
the beautiful Jones weren't in the picture for a longer time.

This picture was made for Playboy (and you can read much more about it on IMDB) and it was written and produced
by the legendary British film producer and (probably) slightly sleazy persona Harry Alan Towers (1920-2009).

Jewel Shepard's writing about her meeting with him is bizarre and funny reading, he didn't give her a very good impression
to put it mildly. She got 25 000 USD for the part and she had never been to Europe, that made her forget about the script with
it's 42 lines of dialogue and 43 pages of nudity.

" I would like to get into your knickers," Harry would say at dinner ... Yeah, well you won't i growled. I want a hotel
room. As if he didn't hear me, he continued on about how much delight he would give me if I would let him. I thought
about how much delight he would give me if he would just die".

To end their "relationship" in grand style Harry "The Subhuman Toad of a producer" takes her out to an underground
Paris theatre ... "After the dog finished, the woman changed the backdrop of the countryside to one of a meadow. I heard
the sound of hooves before i saw the donkey being led out onto the stage. The room began to spin and i bolted for the
exit, leaving Harry to his sick pleasures".

The Epic Story of Christina:

Jewel Shepard plays Christina Van Belle, one of the world's richest women, heiress and business tycoon. She likes men
and they like her. The film starts with Christina disco-dancing and with her beautiful boobs swinging, very nice, but then
she goes to Mallorca and stays in a mansion with some boring, bad acting and ugly rich people, not so nice.
But .... then she gets kidnapped by the 10th of November group, an all-female lesbian terrorist group led by madame Rosa
(Karin Schubert) and has lesbian sex with her guards Marie (Helen Devon) and Antoinette (Josephine Jaqueline Jones,
once Miss Bahamas and featured in another Harry Alan Towers sleaze film) - very nice indeed and actually HOT.
But, sadly Christina flees from her lovely guards and into the hands of some smugglers, whom she has some bad sex with.

This Euro sleaze gem from the Golden Era of filmmaking (the 1970's - 1980's) is obviously based on some series of cheap
erotic books about the jetsetter nymphomaniac Christina and producer/writer Harry Alan Towers made a B version of an
Emanuelle movie out of it (and most Emanuelle movies were already B or C movies then) . The film ends with a picture of a
pile of the Christina books and probably Towers had big hopes for this film and future sequels, but ....

Screen ratio is not stated by Severin in this 2016 blu-ray edition, but looks like anamorphic widescreen, english audio
dub PCM Stereo 2.0 and a bare bones edition with no extras

 

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