Argento's Dracula (2012)

UK Altitude Films DVD edition

Text below written 2019-05-19


I really, REALLY, had low expectations for this movie and it took me 5-7 years to finally bother to see it, after all the bad wording.
All Argento this side of the millennia have been trash-fest watchings, almost if one of my all-time favourite directors have had his idiot twin brother
making them. It's a mystery that Dario somehow turned into an incompetent and after the 1987 Opera the magic was gone. OK, it went away gradually
as some of his 1990's one's still had some of the Argento moments flourishing, not often, but sometimes. Then it was all gone ....

However, i do think Argento are somewhat enjoyable still, but then due to the trashiness and ineptitude for all to enjoy. With this his Dracula version
he actually starts off quite promising and the first 30 minutes are OK. The build-up is OK, the sets look fine, the cinematography from Luciano Tovoli
is good, the costumes looks good and the soundtrack by Claudio Simonetti is fine too - in fact, it looks like an old Dracula movie - But,

Then it turns into a MESS. Enter Thomas Kretschmann and Goodbye film

Thomas Kretschmann as Dracula: The Lord of the Flies

And it goes downhill from there and the film turn into an incoherent chaos with a love story as badly scripted, directed and acted as the one in the
turkey The Phantom of the Opera between Julian Sands and Asia Argento. Catastrophe. Embarrassing and i feel bad about poor Kretschmann who
had to live through this nadir of his career (OK, i've only seen him in 2 films as i can remember, The Stendahl Syndrome and the 2017 A Taxi Driver
with Song Kang-ho where he was perfectly fine).
Kretschmann as Dracula and also appearing as a CGI- owl, -wolf, -swarm of flies and a -giant Mantis, Unax Ugalde as Jonathan Harker and Marta
Gastini as Mina Harker all SUCK. Rutger Hauer as Van Helsing too but Asia as frau Kiesslinger is OK ... and, she's NUDE, kudos to that.

Miriam Giovanelli as Tanya

To be completely honest, and you may call me pig as much as you want, but the best 2 things about this movie were Miriam Giovanelli's boobs, very,
very impressive and unfortunately she's turned into a Vampiress underling to the bore Dracula only, and too early exits the movie in a bad CGI effect,
poooof ! The 2nd best thing in the movie was Asia Argento (i have always loved her) and her bathtub scene, the 3rd best was the Mantis scene.
So, what do i mean by this, 2 nude women as favourite moments of the film ? Should Argento abandon all efforts in trying to make a real coherent film ?
Yes, he could as well make porn movies as his visual powers nowadays seems most suited to depict nude women.

This UK Altitude Films DVD is presented in anamorphic widescreen 1.77:1 and with an english audio 5.1, extra a trailer

Ooooh, i forgot to tell something about the story ..... eeehm .... a village, Passburg .... something .... Dracula's castle .... eeehm, Zzzzzzz .... snore ....

 

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